Happy New Year.

So... 2006 is about to lay to rest.

Let's hope 2007 is a little less "interesting", in the Chinese sense.

"Tragedy today, as former President Gerald Ford was eaten by wolves. He was delicious."

God rest Gerald Ford's soul. He really was a good guy, one of the last Presidents I can say that about with some confidence.

But please allow me some levity, because I can't read this story without thinking about Dana Carvey's sketch from about 10 years ago where he played a soon-to-vacation Tom Brokaw recording news spots. Gerry was a good sport; he would have appreciated this.

Tom Brokaw: Okay, who are we up to?

Voice of Producer: Uh.. we're still on Presidents. Gerald Ford.

Tom Brokaw: Gerald Ford? Well, he's in good shape...

Voice of Producer: Just covering our bases, Tom. You never know...

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [graphic of Gerald Ford, "1913-1996" appears over Tom's left shoulder] "Gerald Ford dead today at the age of 83."

Voice of Producer: Okay, good. Annd, one for next year.

Tom Brokaw: Alright.. [graphic of Gerald Ford, "1913-1997"] "Gerald Ford dead today, at age 84."

Voice of Producer: Uh.. a little sadder.

Tom Brokaw: Alright. [sad] "Gerald Ford dead today.. at age 84.."

Voice of Producer: That was good. Good.

Tom Brokaw: Okay, what now?

Voice of Producer: Now let's do one for if he's shot.

Tom Brokaw: Well, what are the chances of that?

Voice of Producer: We're just covering contingencies.

Tom Brokaw: I mean, it just seems that Gerald Ford..

Voice of Producer: Look - you're the one who wants to spend the whole winter in Barbados, okay? Now, we gotta be ready with something, just in case. Alright, Tom?

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [graphic of Gerald Ford, "1913-1996"] "Gerald Ford shot dead today, at age 83."

Voice of Producer: Uh.. add the word "senseless".

Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Gerald Ford shot dead today, at the senseless age of 83."

Voice of Producer: Um.. uh..

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. "Gerald Ford shot senselessly dead, at the age of 83."

Voice of Producer: Good, good.. Okay, now suicide.

Tom Brokaw: What?!

Voice of Producer: Just read it!

Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Gerald Ford dead today, after jumping out of an office building, senselessly."

Voice of Producer: That's a nice touch. Okay, moving on.

Tom Brokaw: Okay. "Gerald Ford dead today, from an overdose of crack cocaine."

Voice of Producer: Good, good.. Next.

Tom Brokaw: Alright. [graphic of Gerald Ford and a commuter plane] "Stunning news from Michigan, as former President Gerald Ford was chopped into little bits by the propeller of a commuter plane."

Voice of Producer: Good. One take.

Tom Brokaw: Alright, we got it?

Voice of Producer: No. We've got "eaten by wolves".

Tom Brokaw: What? Now, come on!

Voice of Producer: Just read it!

Tom Brokaw: Gerald Ford isn't gonna be eaten by wolves!

Voice of Producer: Taft was.

Tom Brokaw: Really? Taft?

Voice of Producer: Uh.. yeah.

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [graphic of Ford surrounded by a pair of wolves] "Tragedy today, as former President Gerald Ford was eaten by wolves. He was delicious." Now.. now, that's just superfluous, you know?

Voice of Producer: It's a former President, Tom. What do you say - he's not delicious?

Tom Brokaw: Alright, fine.. what's next?

Voice of Producer: The double story.

Tom Brokaw: Alright. [graphic of Ford and map of France] "A fireball destroyed France today, and Gerald Ford is dead." Now, what are the odds of that?

Voice of Producer: Fine. We'll get Stone Phillips to do it. You know, I'm sure Stone Phillips would be thrilled to break a story like that!

Tom Brokaw: Alright. Let's keep moving.. [graphic of Ford and the corpse of Richard Nixon] "Stunning news from Yorba Linda today, as Richard Nixon's corpse climbed out of his grave and strangled Gerald For to death."

Voice of Producer: Excellent.

Tom Brokaw: Alright. [graphic of Ford and circus lion] "Gerald Ford was mauled senselessly by a circus lion in a convenience store."

Voice of Producer: Good. Next.

Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Gerald Ford is dead today, and I'm gay." Now, wait a minute!

Voice of Producer: What? That'd be a huge story - Ford dying, and you coming out!

Tom Brokaw: But I'm not gay!

Voice of Producer: Today you're not gay, you know.. but then one day you wake up, you like men, and Gerald Ford dies, and we're screwed. Everyone's hearing about it from Dan Rather!

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. what's this for?

[graphic of Gerald Ford and the Zimbabwe flag appears]

Voice of Producer: Alright, this one's for if we're invaded by Zimbabwe.

Tom Brokaw: Would I still be the anchor if Zimbabwe invaded us?

Voice of Producer: Yeah.. if you break the Gerald Ford story, you will..

Tom Brokaw: Alright. "Hola bambe, hungala dimba Gerald Ford.. *click* *click* *click* *click* ..hola bambe, allah bumba bubba hulla humba hey."

Voice of Producer: Very nice. Very nice. A little sadder, please.

Tom Brokaw: Alright, alright.. [sadly] "Hola bambe, hungala dimba Gerald Ford.. *click* *click* ..hola bambe.."

OMG!!!!! Delaware's racinos are in trouble!!!!111oneone11!!

The News-Journal wakes from its slumber to report on interesting developments in the world of racino competition.

"Heads are spinning" in Pennsylvania as various racinos ramp up for business. Pennsylvania got smart and gave priority in slots licenses to facilities which already had thoroughbred racing.

And the N-J's Patrick Jackson reports that, at the same time, Delaware is already starting to "feel the squeeze" from nearby slots palaces. I can't imagine why. Perhaps it's because the Pennsylvania slots emporiums are run by recognized gaming companies which offer a true casino experience -- as opposed to the somewhat dingy atmosphere of Delaware Park, et al? (OK, forget the fact that Harrah's Chester is located right next to a state prison...)

The article also mentions that Bill Oberle is in favor of sports betting... but that he's incensed that Pennsylvania now allows free drinks at its racinos. Saith Oberle:

"I think a move like that is contradictory to everything that everyone's been trying to do in the interest of public safety. I'm very disappointed in the Pennsylvania Legislature and in Gov. Rendell for doing something like that. It's simply irresponsible from a public safety standpoint."

Waaah! Where's he been for the past 30 years? Atlantic City casinos have had free drinks since they started running. There's no epidemic of drunks on the roads there.

Delaware's approach to the slots issue is typical of this state's thinking. When you start with the proposition that machines which spit out money when the wheels or video display come up with the right combination aren't really slot machines but "Video Lottery Devices controlled by the Delaware Lottery" since slot machines are specifically prohibited by Delaware law, you've got a major philosophical issue that mere sports betting isn't going to fix.

The other issue that is weird in this equation is this: Why the fixation on linking horse racing to slots? Why is Delaware so interested in subsidizing an industry which is, at its core, based on cruelty and eugenics?

Around 800 racehorses die each year from fatal injuries suffered on US racetracks. An additional number of approximately 3,566 sustain injuries so bad that they cannot finish their races. Several breeding and horse handling abuses contribute to the great risk of death and injury that horses face.

Breeders often race horses as young as two. These horses lack fully developed bone structure, and are more likely to suffer injury.

Due to selective genetic pairing and breeding, many racehorses are born with fragile bodies to begin with. Selective breeding does not provide the gene pool with diverse enough genetic material to avoid genetic defects that arise largely as a result of inbreeding. Because jockeys race horses year round on hard tracks, which give less and are therefor harder on a horse’s joints and bones, horses incur greater injury risk. Large corporate breeders race their "investments" too often in pursuit of profit.

To keep horses racing through pain, handlers administer Lasix and Bute. These pain relievers numb pain, but do not treat the injuries that cause pain. Consequently, these injuries get worse. Horses that suffer severe injuries as a result of drug induced racing get sold to slaughterhouses, a more profitable venture for breeders than euthanization. These horses suffer long cramped rides to the slaughterhouse without painkillers, in unfit trailers. Handlers also use Lasix to mask the presence of illegal substances such as steroids. (link)

And if you think this doesn't happen in Delaware, think again. Most injured horses aren't as lucky as Barbaro. In fact, Barbaro was the exception; normally, a horse with an injury like his would have been euthanized at the track.